120 Days

Last week a close friend celebrated 120 days in sobriety. 120 days free from the chains of addiction. I have been attending AA meetings with her and have loved every minute. It has caused me to reflect on my recovery from substance use disorder and has brought to mind one of my favorite quotes by one of my favorite people “Your judgment is no better than your understanding” Brent J. Moss.

There was a time that is thought someone struggling with addiction was weak and had no self-control. Today, when I see someone struggling with addiction, I see unhealed trauma. I see someone that has tried to stay strong for too long and needs a moment of peaceful surrender, anything to quiet the racing thoughts. I see someone who didn’t choose to have substance use disorder. I see someone that wants to stop but doesn’t know how. My understanding of someone struggling with addiction has turned from judgment to grace, empathy, and compassion.

I can so clearly remember driving with my husband and feeling the overwhelming heaviness of depression, and the only way to feel a semblance of peace was by self-medicating with Vicodin. I remember looking at people walking around and wondering how they survived without using something to quiet their minds. I think back on that experience often; it reminds me how far I have come. Today, when I see people abusing a substance, I wish they could spend a moment inside my mind and feel the amazing high of sobriety.

Over the last 120 days, I have learned that some of the greatest blessings in my life wouldn’t have happened without experiencing addiction. I have learned that more connection comes when two people walking a similar path are sitting together in silence. Over the last 120 days, I have been reminded that sharing our stories is a vital part of recovery and there should be no shame in doing so. There is no shame in saying, “My name is Kristin and I am a recovering addict”.