I am 1 in 8

It’s infertility awareness week. Infertility is something I rarely discuss, but I hope that by sharing a small part of my story I can give someone hope that better days will come.

Growing up in a conservative religion, I was taught that family was central to happiness. I felt, at times, my worth was tied to my ability to have children. When I got married, we decided not to start a family right away. When the time felt right, we soon realized our dreams of pregnancy may not happen.

From the age of 13, I struggled with debilitating periods because of undiagnosed endometriosis. When I was 23, I underwent my first of many surgeries. I felt relief knowing the pain wasn’t *all in my head* and sadness as I realized what the diagnosis could mean for future pregnancy.

During the first years of our marriage I can’t count the number of times we were asked, “When are you going to start a family”? told, “You just need to relax and it will happen” and asked, “Who’s fault is it?” No woman should every have to answer any version of these questions. I was a newly married woman with a diagnosis that meant I possibly would never conceive being reminded that my true calling was being a mother and constantly asked when we would have a baby.

I felt flawed.

I felt less than.

I felt alone.

And then a miracle happened.

That miracle was adoption. When my daughter was placed in my arms, I knew I had known her before she was born. I knew this was how I was supposed to have a family. I knew all my prayers had been answered in a way that far surpassed anything I could have imagined. It’s humbling knowing a young woman carried a baby for 9 months, feeling a life growing inside her, loving the child she was carrying unconditionally, knowing she would place her child in another woman’s arms to raise. There are no words that can adequately describe how humbling this experience was and how much love was in the room.

Infertility was one of my heaviest burdens AND on one of my greatest blessing.

Infertility taught me patience. It taught me what unconditional love looks like. It taught me the meaning of sacrifice. It taught me that prayers are always answered, and they are answered in ways far better than we could have dreamed possible.

It is imperative that we remind our daughters and sons that their worth is not contingent on them having a family.I That it’s okay if they don’t want or can’t have children. I wish I had been told this in primary and young woman lessons. Motherhood is so much more than giving birth.

If you are struggling with infertility, it is okay if you don’t want to go to a baby shower. It is okay if you want to miss a gender reveal party. It is okay to turn down a calling that has you teaching children. It's okay to put your needs above others. You don't have to explain yourself. It is okay to say no to protect your heart.

To anyone struggling with infertility, I see you. I understand the heartache. I hear the silent tears. I sit with you as you go month after month seeing a single line. My heart is with you and you are not alone.

To anyone struggling with infertility, I see you. I understand the heartache. I hear the silent tears. I sit with you as you go month after month seeing a single line. My heart is with you and you are not alone.