Pain and Poetry

I had endometriosis. I have a hard time saying endometriosis out loud. It’s not something I like to talk or think about. There is a part of me that wants to pretend it never existed, and there’s a part of me that misses it.

Endometriosis took a lot from me. My life revolved around it for 13 years. I don’t have amazing high school and college memories. It took dreams of a large family. It led to a full hysterectomy at 27 and instant menopause. After my hysterectomy, I didn’t know who I was. I didn’t know how to live. I can remember so clearly visiting with my dad and sobbing while telling him I didn’t understand why I was so sad about the pain ending. I told him I missed it and didn’t know how to live without it. My wise father told me to read a poem by an unknown author.

Pain stayed so long I said to him today,

“I will not have you with me anymore.”

I stamped my foot and said, “Be on your way,”

And paused there, startled at the look he wore.

“I, who have been your friend,” he said to me,

“I, who have been your teacher—all you know

Of understanding love, of sympathy,

And patience, I have taught you. Shall I go?”

He spoke the truth, this strange unwelcome guest;

I watched him leave and knew that he was wise.

He left a heart grown tender in my breast,

He left a far, clear vision in my eyes.

I dried my tears and lifted up a song --

Even for one who’d tortured me so long.

~Anonymous

Endometriosis took a lot from me AND it gave me a lot of gifts in return. It blessed my life with adoption - the greatest gift anyone can receive. It gave me insight into the mind of the afflicted and tormented. It gave me an understanding of the ‘why’ in addiction. It taught me patience through trial. It taught me that people can look good on the outside while dying on the inside. It taught me the importance of prayer and the realization that prayers are answered in the Lord’s time. The most important lesson I learned is — we can grow from pain or sink further into it. If we choose to grow, we’re becoming who we are inherently supposed to be. Grow through the pain and find the pleasure of knowing what’s waiting on the other side.

November 27, 2020

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